My fiancé says it isn’t cruel to kick one’s child out of the house on their eighteenth birthday, for no other reason than, “They are now an adult, and they have to be reliant on themselves.” Is this true?
Yes, it’s cruel. My father kicked me out at 16. He forced me to get a job by my 16th birthday, I literally was hired the week before and started working the day of my birthday. I worked 40 hours per week plus went to high school. Two weeks later he told me I had to quit and I said “no”, which resulted in him throwing me out. I made it to the edge of the lawn and he followed me and beat me unconscious for defying him. I continued to work despite this. That summer I was supposed to spend two weeks with my brother in Vermont and got approved a leave of absence from work. Two days before I was supposed to leave for Vermont, my father informs me, “his family” is moving to NC from FL, while I’m in Vermont and what I do from that point on is my problem as I am no longer part of his family. My crime? He and his 3rd wife had had a baby a few months earlier and I wasn’t part of his new family. I was an Honors Student who worked 40 hours per week (he took my paychecks), didn’t drink/smoke or date (no time), had friends but wasn’t allowed to have any over. I went to Vermont and ended up going to see my estranged mother (she kicked me out at 13 because her new husband gave her ultimatum-him or me, I lost). I spoke to my mother for the first time in 3 years, told her I legally had to live with a parent until I graduated high school, so I wanted to rent her basement apartment. I paid her rent, worked 40 hours a week, went to high school. I basically had no parents during that time, she was my landlord that happened to be my mother. I was completely independent. I graduated High School and moved out. It took years for my mother and I to have any kind of relationship again, I didn’t speak to her for about 5 years and it took a long time for us to repair that relationship. It was really hard for me to forgive her for choosing her husband over me (at 13). We weren’t really “family” again until I was in my 30s and she was divorced again. My mother and I have a great relationship today but it took a LOT of work. My father I haven’t spoken too in 31 years and I never will speak to him. I could care less if that man is dead or alive.There is a serious mental problem with any “parent” who thinks it is okay to kick out their child just because of that child’s age. You don’t stop being a parent when your child legally becomes an adult. Those who think that way tend to be controlling and abusive. This is a major red flag and I would seriously recommend some counselling for you and your fiance PRIOR to having children (or getting married). When you become a parent, your child come first, for the rest of your life (at varying degrees). If that’s not the case, it’s usually because the parent is a narcissist or completely lacks empathy.I have a 24 year old son, who still lives at home. He is a responsible adult, but until he has a reason to move out, he is welcome to live here as long as he wants. He will ALWAYS have a home to come home too. He is in a long term relationship (7 years) that is currently long distance as his SO is going to college in another state right now and they can’t afford to live together yet. When he’s ready to move out, he goes with my blessing and the caveat that he can always come back if he ever needs to (including with his SO or not). I own my house and will be leaving it to him. I know what it’s like to be homeless with zero family and I will NEVER put my child in that position, no matter how old he gets. As he’s gotten older, his responsibilities increased appropriately and he pays rent ( fair amount, less than an apartment would run). He runs his own life and we may not speak or even see each other for weeks…and that’s just fine. I know he is okay and he has a safe place to live. We treat each other with respect and that is all that matters.